Friday, August 21, 2009

Toddlers and Plastic Surgery

My sister posted this on a Facebook note. I agree...

As I was enjoying my wonderful day off, waiting for my husband to wake up from working overnight on thursday, I usually find myself online discussing things with friends over instant messaging, texting and so on. We often share things such as things we are looking up or watching and in this certain case, topics on papers being written for school.

When we think of plastic surgery, usually we see:
A) Someone with the most absolutely stunning body type who is flawless in all being.
B) Botox, no one wants to have wrinkly skin!
C) Liposuction, Nose Jobs, Chin Implants, Breast Reduction, Breast Enhancement
D) Hair Transplant, for people going bald or have thinning hair
Just to name off a few.

No one thinks about plastic surgery and suddenly thinks, "Oh! I should have my toddler go through that because they have a jelly roll!"

You heard me. Toddler.

I got sent a link to the most disturbing thing I have ever EVER seen on

Who in their right frame of mind would do such a thing? Made me sick. The article goes as follows, and I guess there is a book as well:
On Mothers Day, a new book called My Beautiful Mommy will be (self) published by a plastic surgeon. It's a picture book for young children that explains the ins and outs of Mommy's impending tummy tuck and nose job.
This book has generated a lot of controversy and got me thinking about children's notions of physical beauty. It also led me to a brilliant idea, which I unveil here for the first time.


First, let's consider toddlers' views on what makes a person beautiful. Let's be honest, isn't it annoying how clueless they are of true standards of beauty? All children seem to think, for example, that their moms are beautiful, even if she has a big nose or sagging skin...or worse.
I ask you: is this a healthy viewpoint? If we don't teach our toddlers otherwise, won't they take this misguided view of beauty into later childhood, even adulthood? Imagine the consequences to society if everyone was considered beautiful in his/her own way.
And should we be praising toddlers for how they look, when they invariably possess offensive pot bellies and gross rolls of 'baby fat'? Give me a break. Who really likes a big fat stomach on any human of any age? You don't like one on yourself, why should you on a child? Imagine the let-down in store for them when their cherished jelly bellies become objects of ridicule by their peers!
No, far better to 1) to teach them the real standards of beauty from early on (hence: My Beautiful Mommy), and 2) at the same time help them to achieve that ideal of beauty with the help of modern medicine (hence: my brilliancy).


As I thought more about this book, I realized that there's simply no excuse in this day and age for you not to be a beautiful mommy or for you to have a pug-ugly toddler. Welcome to Dr. P's Spa for Toddler Cosmetic Surgery, offering a full range of beautification services for the little ones:

-Liposuction to tuck in that protruding stomach! I have already spoken of the long-term horrors of the jelly belly.
-Hair transplants for that wispy hair. Your toddler isn't an old man. Why should his hair look like it belongs to one?
-Nose jobs (a "mini bob"). True, most toddler noses haven't yet achieved their full offensive size and shape, but there are numerous asymmetries and improper angles. A little tweaking could render them absolutely perfect.
-Shaving a few inches off thunder thighs. This also promotes walking without inter-thigh friction, which can cause unsightly rashes and an unsteady gait.
-Male member enlargement. As a man, I find toddlers' tiny weenies to be disgraceful.
-Implants (saline, not silicone - I am all about health) in girls for their pathetically undeveloped breasts. Eventually she will have to deal with womanly breasts - why not learn to manage them well before the inevitable shock of puberty?
-A butt lift. Let's be honest, on whom does a big butt ever look good? And diapers only add to their apparent heft!
-Botox to make their eyes larger. Nothing is worse in my book than beady-eyed toddlers. They look so untrustworthy.


The benefits of my modest proposal will already be obvious to you. It will, for example, be easier for parents to love a cosmetically perfect child than a flawed one, so parent-child bonding will be enhanced. Other kids will admire and respect your surgically perfected child, whose social cache will skyrocket. And proper values will have been instilled from an early age.
So, watch for the grand opening of Dr. P's Spa for Toddler Cosmetic Surgery. In my humble opinion, sure to be the next great 21st century advancement in pediatric care.

I know this is going to sound completely horrible, but I am kinda thankful the guy that wrote that has passed on. Who would think such a thing about little children? Seriously. What should it matter to human eye anyway? A child is beautiful in the way they were made for they were made in Gods image:
Genesis 1:27
-So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

I love the way children see things, there isn't any imperfections or doubts or regrets or worries. There is complete adoration and compassionate love for people. I wish somedays we could revert back to that child like state and see everything as they do because then really to be honest, we would love everything a lot deeper and see things as God made us to see them. Not to pick out every tiny aspect of what is wrong, but to just love it whole heartedly for the natural beauty that it has. Wouldn't that be completely awesome?
Is this how unhealthily obsessed with beauty our culture has become?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


So, when I heard Being Human was going to be on BBC America, I considered getting cable or satellite service. I finally decided to, since I'd surely find something interesting to watch. (Seriously, after the season finales of Family Guy and The Simpsons, I didn't turn on my digital converter box.) I contacted my phone and Internet provider, AT&T. They work with DirectTV for their TV service, so I applied there.

It turns out DirectTV will check your credit history. I've posted before that either my credit was marred by an evil company that no longer exists, or I have unestablished credit. So, after applying, I was contacted, saying that more information was needed, and I would need to call them to provide it. The next morning, I was on hold for 49 minutes before I decided that I needed to call back later, as I had to go to work. When I got home from work, I was on hold for another 20 minutes before my call was answered, and they confirmed my suspicion: they had an issue with my credit history. Never mind me paying AT&T's phone and internet bills on time consistently for over 2 years, they wanted me to pay an additional $200 up front. That's over half of my monthly apartment rent. I told them to cancel the order, if I decided I wanted to pursue service with them, I'd apply again.

I looked into DishNetwork, but their first package with BBC America included was $70 a month at the introductory price.

I tried Mediacom, but the only website I could find for them on Google said my address was ineligible for Mediacom service. For some reason, I called Shaun, who was, at the time, Audrey's fiancee, and he suggested I call them, since they knew some of my neighbors had Mediacom service.

I didn't get a chance to call Mediacom until the next day. Instead of asking me for my credit history or making me hold for over a half hour (with hold music that was actually listenable), they answered my call in a reasonable time and we selected a package and they arranged a time for them to come over. The up front cost would be $85. (An additional $10 bill came later.)

The day we set, they didn't make me wait hours and hours, but came about 10:30 AM, and got my set up quickly. Due to a short cord and only one cable outlet, I had to move my TV to my living room again. (Recently, I got a 100-foot coaxial cable that restored the location to my office.)

After having cable for over 3 weeks, there are some shows that I enjoy seeing. The only ones I watch regularly are Being Human and The Smoking Gun Presents World's Dumbest. (Get a lot of B-list celebrities to comment on video footage. It's hilarious!) I'll tune into re-runs of The Cosby Show, The Andy Griffith Show, and other shows I have fond memories of. Sometimes I'll find something I'd be interested in, but not enough for me to keep the TV on all the time.

I did find a few other shows on BBC America that sparked some interest. The UK version (which is actually the original version) of Antiques Roadshow was a lot more enjoyable than the US version, given it had an outdoor environment and the appraisers have some attitude. A show that airs right before seemed a little similar: Cash in the Attic. Appraisers visit someone's home to look for valuable old items to sell at auction to help the homeowner raise funds for a project they're attempting. And I also decided to see what was in this Doctor Who thing that I'd heard of so much by watching the US premiere of Planet of the Dead. I enjoyed it. I've read a lot of comments that it wasn't the best episode and was rather weak, but as I'd had no previous experience with the Doctor Who franchise (that I'd read up on a little bit on Wikipedia first), it was an okay "Doctor Who 101."

All I can say is that, I'm satisfied with the service, and am considering switching my internet over to Mediacom, too.