Sunday, April 22, 2012

Dear Mom

So, Arthur tells us you're giving people money for cigarettes.

I'm surprised. I thought you taught us against smoking and potentially harmful habits. Furthermore, I know you and Dad don't have a lot of money so I was thinking you'd choose your charitable donations a bit more judiciously.

Now, it might have just been one time, but the fact is, it flies in the face of everything we've ever thought about you.

Now I got something that might fly in the face of everything you've ever thought about me.

Remember when we spoke on the phone Easter Sunday and I was chatting with you and cracking jokes? Can you remember the last time I'd done that?

I can't.

The fact is, I came to terms with something about myself a week before, something I revealed the day after Easter to everyone but you and Dad. And coming to terms with it really boosted my confidence.

I'm gay.

I'd like to go ahead and say "Don't worry," but I'm no longer sure if I should say that. I mean, I haven't lived with you and Dad for over five years now. I am not your responsibility anymore.

Perhaps like a certain person from Dayspring, you're now thinking I've fallen into sin and made a horrible choice. This wasn't a choice. This was something that has always been a part of me that I just didn't recognize. Simply, I do not feel a sexual attraction to women. That's all.

You might think I might be doing something that could shorten my life with talk of sexually transmitted diseases. They don't happen because of same sex relations, they happen due to unsafe sex practices, which can happen between a man and a woman as well. And anyway, I'm not seeing anyone just now. Frankly, your enabling someone to smoke is much more harmful physically than your son realizing his sexual orientation.

About the spiritual side, and all I have to say is, I don't know. I treasure everything you've taught me there, but I also know this doesn't mesh with it. But if that's true, why is it there? Back to the choice thing, if I'd been taught against it, why would I choose it? It makes no sense.

Finally, I don't care if you're not okay with this. I don't really want you to be. You claim to serve God who commanded that we love first and judge never. Can you do that? If you can, then thank you. If you can't, then thank you for being honest with yourself.

EDIT: And she replied after I sent this to her on Facebook. She explained that the thing about giving someone money for cigarettes was that a friend asked her for a couple dollars and she didn't know what they wanted it for until later.

As to the heart of the matter, she said "While I believe you may be wrong, this is your journey and I do want to know how to pray for my children. I love you and do not judge you. You can still talk to me without expecting a lecture. He also had me meet a lesbian couple during the time we were sheltered at Dayspring after the fire. All I can say about any premarital sexual relationship with either sex very careful."

No comments: