Church Signs...

You've seen these, fellow Americans. I don't know if they're in other countries, but the churches that have a sign out front with plastic letters on them? And the letters spell some kind of saccharine-cute message? Some are funny, some are silly, but some are plain ridiculous and can be misconstrued.

Like take this one I saw once while I was going home from work:

FREE TRIP TO HEAVEN
DETAILS INSIDE

Heh, yeah. Like Jack the Ripper gave some ladies a free trip to Heaven?

This next one was plain ridiculous:

DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE - GOD

Have these people read their Bibles? Nothing would make God happier than to be closely intimate with His Creation. I mean, I guess that could work for God if you wanted to make Him sound playful, but I kind of think that's not what they meant. (And don't get me with that "God being playful is disrespectful" garbage. Didn't Jesus party with the social pariahs?)

I'm glad my church doesn't go for these stupid gimmicks. Not to say my church is perfect, none is, but we don't resort to that. Though once they ran some funny anecdotes in the bulletins. (Not for long, though.) One that I remember well is:

A chicken and a pig were at a church fundraiser. They were getting in the spirit of things, and the pig says, "Hey, we should really contribute to this!"
"Yeah!" says the chicken. "How about we donate ham and eggs?"
"Whoa!" replies the pig, "That's a gift from you, but a commitment from me!"

It was followed with a note saying "Never be afraid of commitment," but I couldn't blame the pig for not wanting to die to donate money to the church. After all, if the pig could talk...