This story is a work of satire. Do not take it seriously. It was actually originally written when I was younger and just wanted to do something funny. I wrote it as a play using the "American Girls Premiere" program on the family's PC, always an never-ending source of fun.
The Best Christmas Ever!
"Merry Christmas!" called Mr. McIntire, as the children found their presents under the tree.
His oldest daughter Jill looked out the window.
"Should we let Mrs. Gilford in?" she asked, regarding the 45 year-old woman standing outside.
"No," said Mrs. Gilford. "I'm fine...standing out here...in the cold... outside, looking in..."
"Well," remarked Mrs. McIntire, "good thing she's okay! Time for PRESENTS!"
Jill's gift was a snowglobe. Her slightly younger brother Ricky got a strange round object with a speaker and three buttons on it. Molly found a pretty doll dressed as nurse. And the youngest, Brad, got a toy dog to play with.
"Sweet!" exclaimed Ricky. "I got a radio!"
"No, it's not," replied his father. "Press button 1, then button 2, then button 3."
On the first button, the speaker blared out "SHUT UP." On the second, it said "KISS MY BUTT." And on the third, it said "GO TO HELL."
"Oh, this is fun!" shouted Ricky.
He pushed button 1 twice, then button 2, then button 1 twice again, then button 3.
"SHUT UP SHUT UP KISS MY BUTT SHUT UP SHUT UP GO TO HELL," the tiny thing blared.
Ricky laughed as everyone shouted, "This is the best Christmas ever!"
Everyone except Mrs. Gilford. Outside, she shivered. "So... cold..." she moaned, then collapsed.
Ricky's gift is a rip-off of an episode of "The Simpsons."
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