Monday, December 1, 2008

Best Christmas Rant Ever...

Heh... This is the best rant I've ever heard regarding Christmas or "holiday" celebrations in America.

Dear Santa, or Guy Known For His Beard,
This letter is from Foamy with squirrelly cheer.
Most people would start by asking for stuff,
But not this little squirrel, I have more than enough.
Though this year I ask for a simple request,
I know you're just Santa, but give it your best.
As seasons go by we grow greater complaints,
Of seeing icons of Jesus and statues of saints.
This Christmas I would like to enjoy it once true,
Without liberal schmucks burning pictures of you.
Some don't like Christmas and I can't really see why:
We get to eat turkey, get presents and pie.
(PETA might not like the turkeys of course,
But gifts for the masses! How is that wrong?)
Folks who hate Christmas scream "Tolerance for all!"
But intolearate difference when it's right out their door.
They bitch and complain about Christmas in town,
While menorahs and Kwanzaas are on the school grounds.
It's a known double-standard both simple and true,
So I've devised a solution, especially for you!
I know you give coal to those who are naughty,
But may I suggest something more sporty?
I would lace candies with minty fresh poison,
And give them to morons, so they can enjoy them.
What better way to put this issue to rest
Than to get rid of those whiners with CANDIES OF DEATH?
So forget all the toys and stuff on my wishlist,
I just want to have an enjoyable Christmas!
(But of course if you find room on your sleigh for a treat,
Cream cheese is good and bagels are neat!)
That's all from the Foamy, and I'll see you real soon,
And make sure you bring candies, I have morons here, too!

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