Saturday, February 14, 2009

Friday The 13th - Review

All, right. I sat myself down and watched this thing.

First off, I don't like the plot. I mean, it's very much just a string of bloody murders strung together with a bit of story. I'm not one for gore, unless it's something that happens in the story.

Now, before I go further, let me clarify this, I'm reviewing the ORIGINAL version, not the new remake. (Made you look!)

So, here's the plot: Obsessed and embittered with her son Jason's death, Pamela Voorhees takes it in her own hands that Camp Crystal Lake stays closed, by murdering every camp counselor and worker that comes to work there.

Whoop! Well, I just spoiled the whole movie for you, didn't I? Heheh... Don't worry, if you're into seeing bloody murders, you'll like this. People get axed, knifed, stabbed in the throat, and decapitated. It's done convincingly, and this is before CGI, so it's impressive how real it looks.

And somehow, it turned into the juggernaut movie franchise it is today, from this cheesy little slash flick, to Freddy VS. Jason and the remake that came out yesterday.

Just proof that Hollywood has no creativity anymore... I mean, you could even take an element from this and make a completely different movie. Here we go:

When Jason dies, Pamela gets herself a good lawyer, and they take the negligent counselors to court until they get a death row sentence. Thinking they can prevent this from happening again, they start Parents Against Negligent Caretakers of Recreational, Educational, and Activities Services, or PANCREAS. They go very well, Pamela gets on shows like Oprah and The View, and gets internationally acclaimed for her efforts.

Then she decides she wants to make Jason's grave a landmark. Her lawyer tells her no, and she finds out he has been diverting funds they've been amassing for his own purposes. She works out a plan and murders him. Pretending to be a distressed friend, she visits his family and discovers he had a son, who would be about Jason's age, if he was still alive. Realizing that she took this boy's father away like Jason was taken from her, she can no longer live with the guilt. She closes PANCREAS and then commits suicide.

See? Completely different movie, based on one concept! And if Hollywood dare make this movie... I'm suing! COPYRIGHT JARED DAVIS!

1 comment:

Nathan said...

Hey, you just spoiled the plot of a thirty-year-old movie! You'd better not reveal that Rosebud is a sled in your next post! :P